


confessions & best friends.

by selkiemaiden



Category: Be More Chill, bmc - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, boyfs being bffs, michael being soft, michael pining, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 12:35:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13031253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/selkiemaiden/pseuds/selkiemaiden
Summary: Michael is in love with Jeremy. Jeremy doesn't feel the same.





	confessions & best friends.

**Author's Note:**

> hjskdkl i wrote this a while ago & posted it on tumblr but,, i'm ready to Actually Share it...  
> it's the first thing i've written in a v long while & i liked it, so.... have this, i guess?

A mix of emotions welled up in his stomach - anxiety, fear, worry - it was making him nauseas and his thoughts were moving a mile a minute. 'Deep breaths, Michael...' he reminded himself. In... out. Good. Just like that. A few more of those and maybe he'd be calm enough to— but a voice interrupted him mid-inhale.

"Michael? You okay...?"

Jeremy. And suddenly the nausea doubled in intensity. He wanted to vomit. He wasn't good in situations where he had to confront someone or something... but this was Jeremy. It was gonna be okay, right? No matter what Jeremy thought or said, it would be okay... as long as they were still friends after all was said and done. Fourteen years of friendship... 

"Michael...?"  
"I-I'll be right there!"

He cupped his hands under the faucet and collected some cool water, splashing it on his face. A deep breath, a glance in the mirror. He noticed the panicked look on his face and took a moment to steel his nerves. It was now or never... one last deep breath and he tucked his phone into the pocket of his jeans, heading out of the bathroom and down the hall - back to Jeremy's room.

Jeremy didn't even look up when Michael returned, his eyes glued to the tv screen as he obliterated a horde of zombies, a grin on his lips. Michael's gaze lingered perhaps a bit too long on his best friend's smile, his chest filling with warmth. Yeah... he definitely loved him.  
"Welcome back! I was starting to think you weren't gonna come back." Jeremy joked. But when he was met with silence on Michael's end, his smile faded slightly and his gaze slid from the tv to his best friend.  
"Michael? ...what's wrong?"

'Now or never...'  
Michael crossed the room, plopping down in his beanbag and turning to face Jeremy. "Uh. Hey, Jer? I've, uhm. I've got somethin' ta say."  
Jeremy's brow furrowed but he nodded. "You can tell me anything - you know that."  
Michael's gaze moved from Jeremy to his hands as he fiddled with the sleeves of his sweatshirt. "Uh, okay. I mean, yeah - of course I know that. You're my best friend, duh." He said, a soft, nervous laugh bubbling forth. "Uh, but. What I wanted to say is that - uh - I love you."  
He said it. He really said it — and he didn't stutter! Or, well. Not /too/ badly, anyway. He looked from his hands to Jeremy, biting his lip.  
The thinner boy grinned, wrapping an arm around Michael and pulling him close. "Yeah, I love you too."

Michael let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, a soft frown making its way to his lips. He knew it. Jeremy was taking this as just another casual, platonic I Love You, but it most certainly wasn't. It was a very loving, romantic I Love You. Michael squirmed a bit in his best friend's grasp, wriggling free and adjusting his glasses. Jeremy looked confused by Michael's movements and rightfully so. The boy was incredibly affectionate and even on a bad day never refused a hug or even the occasional platonic cheek kiss. Michael's frown grew slightly.  
"I... no, Jeremy, you don't get it. I love you. Like, really love you. Like. In a gay way. I'm in love with you, Jeremy."

And for an excruciatingly long moment, both boys were completely silent. Jeremy looked surprised - he was probably still processing what Michael had said. Michael had turned his gaze back to his hands, his fingers picking at a loose thread on the cuff of his sleeve. He felt his heart drop to his stomach, this silence was doing wonders for his anxiety. The telltale burning in his throat and nose ensured that soon tears would be welling up in his eyes and fuck, he really didn't want to cry right now. Every minute that ticked by without a word from Jeremy felt like a stab to his chest. At this point he didn't even care what Jeremy said, he just wanted him to say something — anything!

"Michael..."

His tear-glazed eyes looked to his best friend, bottom lip drawn between his teeth as he awaited whatever Jeremy was going to say.

"Michael, I..." Jeremy bit his lip. "I'm not – I don't... wanna hurt you but... I don't wanna lie either, I..." 

Michael swallowed. Here it was - the 'letting you down easy' speech. Honestly, he half expected this... that it was one-sided. And it hurt, yeah. It hurt like fucking hell, but... he'd be okay. As long as they were still friends after all was said and done.

"I don't really... feel the same... I mean, I... God, Michael, I'm so sorry..."

Michael managed to choke out a semi-convincing laugh. "Hey, it's okay buddy. No harm done. I just... I mean... sorry for making it awkward, just... thought you should know, y'know?"

Jeremy shook his head. "You didn't make it awkward, I... it's okay."

And then another painful silence ensued and Michael was very sure that he was going to vomit. He stood without a word, turning to head back out into the hallway and to the bathroom, until he felt Jeremy grab his hand. He looked back, the other boy still seated on a beanbag.  
Jeremy's voice was soft when he spoke. "You know that you're still my favorite person, right...? I mean... you're. still my best friend... right?"

And Michael couldn't hold it back anymore. Tears rolled down his cheeks and a sob ripped from his throat as he slowly sunk to his knees. This obviously wasn't the reaction that Jeremy had expected as his grip on Michael's hand had loosened and his eyes were wide. But it only took him a moment to regroup and move closer to Michael, kneeling before him. 

"Michael...?"

But try as he might, Michael couldn't seem to summon his voice. All that seemed to want to come out were various whimpers and sobs. It took a few minutes and some coughing and sniffles before he managed a few weak words.  
"J-Jeremy, I'm s-sorry..."

Jeremy's brow furrowed at the words. "I... M-Michael, you don't have to apologize - you didn't do anything wrong... God, I'm the one who should be sorry. An-and I am! I am sorry... because, Christ, you are so amazing and-and you deserve so much and you deserve love and I just. I just. Don't... feel that way and I feel like such a dick..."

"N-no, I... Jeremy, it's not your fault. I get it - it's okay... but. you'll... you'll still be my best friend... and I don't- I just don't want anything to change..." Michael managed between sniffles and half-sobs.

"Nothing's gonna change, I promise... you're still my player 1, okay?"

Relief flooded Michael's senses and a fresh wave of tears started to stream down his cheeks, his voice lost to him again. A simple nod of his head answered Jeremy's question. He wiped at the tears beneath his glasses with the sleeve of his sweatshirt and when he was done he could see a somewhat-blurry Jeremy with his arms open. With a sniffle, Michael pulled his glasses from his face and carefully set them aside before practically tackling Jeremy in a hug, the smaller boy's chest rumbling in a soft chuckle at the tackle as arms were wrapped around him. Michael buried his face in Jer's chest, tears soaking the other's shirt. They stayed like that, half-strewn across the galaxy beanbags, until Michael was all cried out. 

Jeremy was gently playing with Michael's hair, idly running his fingers through it, Michael's eyes were half lidded, his cheek pressed to Jeremy's wet tshirt-clad chest. It was a rather comfortable position, despite the continuous slow ache in Michael's chest. It hurt. It hurt that Jeremy didn't love him like that. But the way Jeremy's voice rumbled lowly against Michael's cheek and the fact that Michael's arms were wrapped around Jeremy's waist and Jeremy's fingers were still running through his hair meant that things were still okay. That nothing would change... 

"I'll kick anyone's ass who thinks otherwise."  
"Yeah?"  
"Yeah. I'll even kick my own ass."

This earned a soft laugh from Michael. His eyes drooped closed as a yawn slipped past his lips. Yeah, it hurt right now but things were okay... and Michael would be okay, too.


End file.
